I have 2 children (kids). What some of you know but new readers do not is that both of my kids are adopted. We adopted our daughter when she was a year old back in 1986 and we adopted our son in 1989. Our daughter was adopted in San Diego and our son in Oregon. We worked with agencies for both adoptions At that time open adoptions were becoming more popular (remaining in contact with the birth parents). None of the birth parents were interested in remaining in contact.
Our daughter was a special needs adoption. She has a litany of medical problems which I won't go into now, perhaps another story for another day. She lives in Montana and is married and has been married since 2009. She still struggles with depression but is being monitored by social service agencies who keep an eye on her. She has Asperger's (high functioning autism) as her husband does as well. It is her choice but she has limited contact with us. We did not know where she was for several years and always tried to find her but due to HIPAA it was virtually impossible to find any information out about her. We were thankful when she made contact with us. Again, she chooses how much contact she wants with us.
Our son has a fascinating birth story and I would really love to share it with you all but I have to get his permission to do so. I think he would give it but I can't assume that. It truly has God written all over it and I truly believe he was meant to be in our family. As many of you know, he lives here in Phoenix, got married back in 2015 and is the father of our adorable grandson. Our son struggled for years figuring out what he might want to do when he "grows up" but he found his niche when he got a job at a fine Italian restaurant here in Scottsdale. He bloomed there under the guidance of the chef/owner of the restaurant and he has grown so much in maturity and skill in the 3.5 years he has worked there. He is a good hands on dad, which amazed me because I wasn't sure how he would "take" to parenthood but he "took" to it and excelled in it.
One of the things I pray for is for my children to have a relationship with Jesus. Both children "accepted" Jesus as their Lord and Savior when they were in their teens and each were baptized in their teens. Both currently are not attending church and my daughter has gone down a road of "faith" that I wish she wouldn't have chosen but all I can do is pray and trust Jesus. Daily my husband and I pray for them to come to know Jesus.
My best friend from high school and me reconnected on Facebook a few years back. We sometimes message back and forth. She has a deep relationship with Jesus and she shared a few months back how she sees the young people she is associated with that there is a revival of faith in them. I told her that was wonderful and that I was still praying for my kids for salvation. She mentioned something that struck me and stuck with me.
She said "God placed them with you because He knew you would keep praying for them." And that is what I will continue to do until I take my last breath this side of eternity.
All have to come to their own faith in their own time.
My hope is my 2 kids will come to have a faith in Jesus in their own time.
And for that I will keep praying.
Today got a chance to know more about you at a personal level through this post. I really hope and pray ur daughter heals soon....u did a great job as a parent..at some juncture none can own others problems! Happy for ur son too...am sure you must b having a grt time with grand son
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Our grandson truly is a delight :) Thank you; I'm not sure I did a great job as a parent but I tried the best I can; just like I know you are doing with your daughter :)
Deletebetty
Yes, we do have to let our kids go once they are grown. We just keep on loving them, and trust and pray that they will find their faith again in their own way and time.
ReplyDeleteThat is all we can do!! Hard at times though :)
Deletebetty
Our children don't always make the choices that we had hoped they would. Praying for them is always a good plan.
ReplyDeleteSo true praying is a good plan and they don't make the choices we had hoped they would. Then of course we as children didn't make the choices our parents probably hoped we would :)
Deletebetty
After all these years, I did not know your kids were adopted. I’m sorry to hear of the struggles with your daughter. Reading between the lines, I’m guessing she is part of a cult type religion, like LDS or JW. You don’t have to answer. My son no longer attends church and it pains me that he has lost his faith. I also pray for him regularly. I will say a prayer for your kids today, Betty.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bijoux! I really thought I had mentioned it before about them being adopted. Probably on the "A Corgi in Southern California" blog. I think maybe you were following along then? It is sad about your son; I'll pray for him too. My daughter went totally opposite to Wiccan yet sometimes in speaking with her she struggles with it and goes back to thinking Christianity. Thus we pray :)
Deletebetty
Being a new reader to your blog, I was not aware of how many children you have. We have two as well, one on each side of the country. We get to see them about once a year. Not enough.
ReplyDeleteSo true, not enough! That is why we moved to Phoenix to be close to our son and his family. We put up with the weather but it is nice that we are 10 minutes away from each other :)
Deletebetty
Thank you for sharing more about your children. They all have to come to faith in their own time, like you said. My girls were brought up in the Church, but our church fractured and it spoiled things for them. One is currently going down a path I'm not happy about, but I keep it up in prayer and have faith God will work it out.
ReplyDeleteI'm lucky that two of my three kids are still home and the other lives half an hour away. That may change soon, but I will enjoy it while it lasts.
Thanks for sharing and for visiting my blog.
Thanks for visiting back! It is hard to see when a child of ours goes down a path we don't like, but prayer is definitely a good thing and we'll trust God knows what is best! It is neat to that your children are so close by and still live with you!
Deletebetty
I didn't realize how limited your contact with your daughter is. That must be difficult at times. And I can't believe how long your son has been working at the restaurant. It doesn't seem that long ago that you first mentioned it on your blog. Time flies!
ReplyDeleteTime does fly!! There is a little bit more in the story about my daughter that I am debating about sharing down the line. It really is heartbreaking. Who knows what the future may hold about it though. Sooner or later we are planning a trip up to Montana and will see if we can see her and meet her husband :)
Deletebetty
I'm sorry to hear your relationship with your daughter is strained. Does she have a relationship with her brother? I'm just curious as my brother does not have a relationship with our mother or with me and it is very sad. I would have never thought our family would end up like this.
ReplyDeleteKeep praying. God is there for us especially with situations like this.
Have a great Wednesday Betty.
Thanks Lori. No, she doesn't have a relationship with her brother either. It is so complicated with everything that it would take a volume to describe everything that has gone on but we continue to pray because that is what we can do the best I think (but sometimes the last thing we resort to). I'm sorry about your brother and his lack of relationship with you and your mom. It is sad when that happens and I know it does bother you and your mom :(
Deletebetty
We do appreciate this insight into your lives. WE connected with your blog during the latter part of the raising of the son. WE are so proud that he is settled and raising THAT young'un. It is no secret he is a part of you and hubby. What a sweet thought , and yes knowing your heart, those KIDS will be in your prayers always....
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I think we who pray, our kids are always in our prayers! I know I am probably the recipient now of prayers my mom and aunts prayed for my siblings and me.
DeleteBetty
What a blessing you and your hubby have been to those 'kids'! I'm so happy to learn your son has discovered his niche -- both personally and professionally. Yes, I'd love to read his birth story sometime. I've no doubt my own mother's prayers have saved me time and again. Don't stop!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Myra. Prayers prayed for me by my mom and aunts have saved me a time or two too. I will ask son about sharing his story. I am sure he will say yes because I won't be mentioning names and will keep identifying details out of it. I already have it written in my head lol.
ReplyDeleteBetty
"God placed them with you because He knew you would keep praying for them." - I LOVE that!
ReplyDeleteI learned some new info about you in this post, Betty. Sorry about your difficulties with your daughter. I'm glad that she did eventually contact you and let you know where she is. Nice how your son has blossomed since finding his passion.
Don't know if you knew - my husband has Asperger's, so I understand relationships are not always easy, or at least require different approaches sometimes.
I didn't know that, Abby. So true that relationships do require different approaches. I commend you both for willing to explore those approaches too! Half the problem with my daughter is she was a very late diagnosis with it. She didn't get diagnosed until she was 15 years old though I suspected it for a while but no healthcare professional would take my word for it and at the time it was thought it only "affected" males and not females. The minute she got diagnosed with it and the psychiatrist explained a lot of symptoms and how to help us work with our daughter it made some things so much more easier!
Deletebetty
I believe God gave me Youngest because he knew I needed him as much as he needed me. One of my customers who is deep in her faith, met me at the mailbox the other day. I told her it was a "one box at a time" kind of day, and she offered to pray the rosary for myself and Youngest. I felt honored. One of Youngest's friends Moms is a devout catholic. She prays every day. Every time she sees Youngest she prays for him, and no lie, something good happens for him shortly after.
ReplyDeleteI do not know Jesus like you do, but I am a HUGE believer that faith can move mountains and produce miracles.
Prayer is very instrumental in moving those mountains too! If you want to, email me with specifics you want prayer for your Youngest for. I would be honored to pray for him and you. I'll put him/you on my prayer list and pray general, i.e. not specifics, and also the "you know God what he/Juli need, etc". God does place those children who need the special parents who can work with them! Consider it a blessing!
Deletebetty
You are awesome. :) I still believe he was given to me for a reason, even when he's being a royal PIA. He at least is understanding now when I get mad when he TELLS me he's coming home and doesn't. Honestly, I don't need to know where he is, but if he says I'll be back in 5 minutes, goes to a friend's house instead, and falls asleep there not answering texts etc, it's unnerving. He's finally starting to understand that. If I had a specific prayer it would be to broaden his friends past the pot. To get back into healthy living (long boarding, hiking, exercising) and maybe to reconnect with the friends he's lost since he's made these choices.
DeleteGot it Juli. I will pray for that. It is unnerving when you don't know where they are at, lol. I used to tell son to just let me know if he wasn't coming home for the night. I didn't care what he was doing (well I did) or who he was with, I just wanted to make sure he was safe. He would text about 50% of the time when he didn't come home. Now we'll see what happens when his son reaches that age, lol, though I'll probably be dead by then.
Deletebetty
Adult children are still our children and we are always hoping better for them. I hope your prayers are answered.
ReplyDeleteSo true! Thank you!
DeleteBetty
Oh Betty! This is such a bittersweet post, and all parents will understand every word of it, as it is certainly heartfelt. I did not know your children were adopted; that is so amazing to me. I pray that they will indeed have a relationship with their Creator, Who loves them more than they can ever imagine. And how fortunate they are to have you and their dad, to love and long for and pray for them -- because as you know, we as parents have no greater joy than to know that our children walk in truth. God bless your family this Easter and always. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you Jenny for your kind words. I remember hearing a sermon once that said if you don't do anything as a parent except tell your kids about Jesus and expose him to them you have done a good job as a parent. I was not the best of moms but I got the part right about teaching them about Jesus. The Lord is faithful and merciful. I will just keep praying!
ReplyDeleteBetty
I will pray for your children. I know that my Amber prays and talks to God. They were not brought up in a church.
ReplyDeleteThanks Debby! That is great that Amber prays! I'll pray for your family as well!
Deletebetty
I don't think I knew your children were adopted. I'm sorry to hear contact with your daughter is limited. I do hope that changes. I honestly think more people have Asperger's than what is realized. Veronica would probably fall on the spectrum with her quirky ways. I knew your son was close by and you spend time with your grandson.
ReplyDeleteI think I mentioned kids and adoption several blogs ago,lol. I don't think you were following along at the time. I think a lot of people are on the spectrum but manage to "get by." It is what makes people unique I do believe.
DeleteHappy Easter!
Betty
Our youngest is adopted too. She's our African-American cherub that came to us at 11 weeks old. We did foster care for 6 other newborns and they went on to be with their new adoptive families after 2 weeks to 4 months with us. ~Andrea xoxo
ReplyDeleteSo neat, Andrea! I didn't know this about your family! A blessing you were to do foster care too!
Deletebetty